PRICE I 



PS 635 
.28 

W76183 
Copy 1 




Where Is Helen? 



THE P 



BUSHING COMPANY 



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HOME TIES. A Rural Play in Four Acts, by Arthur 
Lewis Tubbs. Characters, four male, five female. Plays two 
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acts. Costumes, modern. One of the strongest plays Mr. Tubbs 
has written. Martin Winn's wife left him when his daughter 
Ruth was a baby. Harold Vincent, the nephew and adopted son 
of the man who has wronged Martin, makes love to Ruth Winn. 
She is also loved by Len Everett, a prosperous young farmer. 
When Martin discovers who Harold is, he orders him to leave 
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he comes back, and Ruth finds her happiness. Price 25 cents. 

THE OLD NEW HAMPSHIRE HOME. A New 

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THE OED DAIRY HOMESTEAD. A Rural Comedy 
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from a farm house through the intimidation of the farmer's 
niece, whose husband he claims to be. Her escapes from the 
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A WHITE MOUNTAIN BOY. A Strong Melodrama in 
Five Acts, by Charles Townsend. For seven males and four 
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One exterior, three interiors. Costumes easy. The hero, a 
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THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

PHILADELPHIA 



Where Is Helen? 



A Farce Comedy in Two Acts 



By 
LOUISE LATHAM WILSON 

Author of "A Case of Suspension" "Cinderella 
at College" etc. 




PHILADELPHIA 
THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

1917 



/ 



fj\ 



Copyright 1917 by The Penn Publishing Company 






Where Is Helen ? 



FEB -8 1917 

CI.D 46102 
*0, * I 



Where Is Helen? 



CAST OF CHARACTERS 

Helen Bartlett . . . visitor at BelUvue University 

Dorothy a student at Bellevue 

Hortense Allen spinster, matron of 

Wordsworth Hall 

Kathleen a maid 

Jack Jamieson . a student of literature and love 

r,. >• students, and friends of Jack 

Daniel VV. Bartlett • . . Helen' s father 

Professor Emilius Edgerton .... of the faculty 
Girl students, etc. 

Place. — Bellevue University. 
Time of Playing. — One hour. 

COSTUMES, ETC. 

Jack, Harold, Tom. About twenty-one. Well dressed 
young fellows. Jack, particularly in Act II, is rather more 
careless of his appearance than the other two. On second 
entrance in Act II wears a kitchen apron over other clothes. 

Daniel. About sixty. Well dressed, but rather ec- 
centric in costume and manner. Bald head. Side whiskers. 
Eye-glasses. On entrance in Act II clothing very much dis- 
arranged. 

Professor Edgerton. About fifty. An easy-going 
pedagogue. Dressed in black frock suit, rather shabby. 
Large eye-glasses. 

Helen, Dorothy. About nineteen or twenty. Well 
dressed ; indoor costumes. In latter part of Act II Helen 
is draped in white chiffon and Christmas tinsel, over her 
other clothes. 

Miss Allen. About fifty-five. Gray hair. Eye-glasses. 
She dresses well, but is very prim in both costume and 
manner. 



4 PROPERTIES 

Kathleen. About twenty. Maid's costume of black 
dress, white cap and apron. 

Girl Students. All young college girls. Costumed 
in any suitable way. 



PROPERTIES 

Tom. Books, barber pole, cane. 

Harold. Books, ruler, several small signs such as might 
be "swiped " by a college student. 

Jack. Watch, pencil, manuscript, telephone, and tele- 
phone book. Sofa pillows. Photograph of girl. Two or 
three feminine handkerchiefs; a colored veil. Square en- 
velope containing a lace-edged chamois. A girl's kimono. 
Six or seven packages, to look as though they had come 
from a delicatessen store. 

Professor Edgerton. A watch. 

Dorothy. A box of candy, a silver quarter-dollar, an 
opera cloak or wrap. 

SCENE PLOTS 
Act I 



BACKING 



BOOKCASE 



1 DOOR OR WINDOW 



IDOOR 
□ PHONE 
f O CHAIR 




SCENE. — Jack's room. Entrances r. and L. Window 
or door up c. Table with chairs C. Bookcase up r. Sofa 
up l. Large chairs down r. and L. Smail table with 
'phone down r. Other furnishings to make a college 
student's room. 



SCENE PLOTS 

Act II 



BACKING 




SCENE. — Dorothy's room. Entrances R. and L., and 
large door or French window up c. Table up l. c. Large 
chair down r. Sofa down L. Dresser or bureau up r. 
Chair near door up c. Other chairs and furnishings to 
make a college girl's room. 



Where Is Helen ? 



ACT I 

SCENE. — Jack Jamieson's room in a fraternity house, 
Bellevue University. Doors, r. and L. Window or 
door up c. Table, with chairs each side of it, up C. Easy 
chairs down R. and L. Bookcase up r. Sofa up l. 
Small table, with telephone on it, down R. College pen- 
nants 071 the walls, athletic pictures, trophies, tennis 
racquets, golf sticks, etc. Other furnishings as desired. 
A typical college student's room. 

(At rise of curtain Tom and Harold are seated at table, c, 
with books before them. Jack is pacing floor, r. to L., 
reading from a manuscript he holds in his hands.) 

Jack (down l.). And in showing the development of 
the world in every phase, let us note the progress in every 
direction, the evolution of all things from age to age. 
(Crosses R.) In literature we have come down from 
Greece's mythical poets, Alphseus, Musseus, Emalpus, and 
others whose names are even more so, to George Ade and 
Bernard Shaw. In history, from the founding of the Chinese 
Empire two thousand years b. c, to the two Williams, 
Bryan and Kaiser. These two gentlemen are alike in name 
only. (Crosses L.) And as we come down through the 

distant, dusty past Some speech that, if I could only 

remember it. 

Harold (r. a). Remember it ! I'd give you a nice 
new ten spot if you would only forget it. (Studies.) Let 
me see, I was just bisecting this triangle from the point AD 
to the intersecting line — h'm — mm — where's my ruler? 

(Picks up ruler fro?n table.) 

Jack (down L.). But just listen a minute — there's a 
good point right here. Just notice how I bring out this 
idea. 



8 WHERE IS HELEN ? 

Tom. Keep still, you joy destroyer ! I have an oration 
of my own to get, and you keep reminding me of it. 

Harold. That so ? W hen's it due ? 

Tom {yawning). Last Monday. 

Jack. Now listen — you fellows don't appreciate good 
literature. Cultivate your taste ! Hitch your wagon to a 
star ! I'll just give you a few sentences to show you what 
a real masterpiece is. " And as we come down through the 
distant, dusty past, let us pause for a moment on our way, 
noting here and there a familiar face peering from the dim 
— peering from the dim — oh, peering from the dim " 

{Tries to find his place on papers he carries in his hand.) 

Tom. Time's up ! And that reminds me, 1 saw a fa- 
miliar face to-day, distant but not dusty, peering from a 
dim and distant taxicab. No cobwebs on her ! She was 
fresh as the morning dew. Say, she is a peach. Such eyes 
— such hair ! Oh, such a smile ! Loveliness personified ! 

Harold (rising and coming down r.'). I should think 
she'd be afraid of lightning, — so attractive, you know. 

Tom (rising, a?id sitting on table, a). I'd laugh at that 
joke if 1 hadn't heard it several years ago. Also, you in- 
terrupted me. Such dimples ! Such eyes ! Remember 
Helen Bartlett, of our freshman days back in old Ammerton ? 

Jack (dropping papers o?i floor). Helen Bartlett ! 
Helen ! 

Tom. Sure. You used to be pretty sweet on her your- 
self, Jack, in the old days. Well, she's here, and she's 
visiting at the home of a girl named — er — Jones, I believe. 
Yes, Jones. 

Jack (aside). Helen Bartlett! Helen! {To Tom.) 
What Jones ? College or town ? 

Tom. Don't know the initials, but I think they're town. 

Harold. Jones? Jones? Where have I heard that 
name before ? Say, Tom, do you know we're wasting a lot 
of time in study and insulting a perfectly good spring day ? 
Throw your books under the sofa and come on. 

Tom (Jumping doivn from table). I'm with you, boy. 
Jack can stay here and dig dusty faces up from the dim and 
distant past until the place looks like a collection of Pha- 
raohs. Me for the corner drug store ! 

{Exit Tom and Harold, r., throwing books at Jack.) 



WHERE IS HELEN ? 9 

Jack. Helen Bartlett ! The one girl ! Twelve long 
months ago her father forbade her ever to see me again. 
Exhibit A. Then comes my father, Exhibit B, and tells me 
what he'll do if I ever look again at her. And of all the 
crazy, foolish, pig-headed reasons — it makes me sick ! Then, 
to make sure that their fiendish designs are carried out to 
the limit, old Bartlett whisks Helen off to California, and 
father takes me out of good old Ammerton, and sends me 
here to do special work. (Goes r.) But now! Helen is 
in this very town — Exhibits A and B are miles away, and I 
am going to see Helen ! I'll bet a Mexican dollar old Bart- 
lett didn't know 1 was in this school when he let her come. 
Jones, they said, was the name. I'll call up every Jon£s in 
the city. (Takes up 'phone book.') Great Guns, ten, twenty, 
thirty — h'm — seventy-nine Joneses. But cheer up ! The 
Smiths would have been a whole lot worse — three pages. 
Well, here goes. (Looks at watch.) Have to cut Latin, 
but it's a good cause. (Places easy chair close to 'phone, 
adds cushions which he brings from sofa.) Might as well 
be comfortable; this may take me some time. Main 7924. 

Yes. Yes. Hello Main 7924? Where's Helen ? Oh, 

excuse me. I mean is Miss Helen Bartlett a guest at your 
home ? No ? Thank you. 

(Repeats many times with variations, giving an opportunity 
for " local hits " if desired. Crosses a name from book 
after each call. Enter Professor Edgerton, r.) 

Professor. Hello, my boy ! 

Jack. How do you do, Professor ? Have a seat. ( Waves 
hand.) Please excuse me just a second. This is very im- 
portant; I'll be at liberty in one minute. 

( Continues to telephone ; Professor looks at paper, exam- 
ines objects in room, looks at watch t seats himself, rises, 
etc.) 

Professor. A moment, I think you said ? 

Jack. Yes, just a moment, Professor, or possibly two. 
I am trying to locate a — er — friend. Nearly through the 
list now, that is, I have only — er — um — about fifty-five more. 

( Continues telephoning.) 

Professor. Ah, my boy, I know Miss Bartlett well. 
So she is in town. How pleasant ! 



10 WHERE IS HELEN ? 

Jack. Yes, sir. {To 1 phone.) Main 7241, please. Yes. 
{To Professor.) It is if I can locate her anywhere. {To 

'phone.) Hello is Miss Bartlett a guest there ? Oh, 

excuse me, please. Well, 1 didn't know it was the crema- 
tory. {To Professor.) I believe I'll tell you about this 
affair, Professor, for you have given me good advice in the 
past, and I need a good dose of it now. You see, our re- 
spective fathers have interfered in the case of Helen and my- 
self, and tried to make trouble between us. 

Professor. Yes? and why? 

Jack. One moment, please. (To 'phone.) Main 5341. 
Yes. It is so childish I'm ashamed to tell you about it, 

Professor. (To 'phone.) Hello ....is Miss Bartlett a 

guest at your home? Well, I didn't know you were 

a bachelor. Well, well, all right. I apologize. {To Pro- 
fessor.) You see, Professor, my father is a rampant pro- 
hibitionist, and Helen's is an and. That doesn't sound so 
bad unless you know the men. Warm arguments on the 
subject grew into heated battles, which sowed the seeds of 
deepest hatred. In time they grew so bitter that they 
wouldn't even fight — they expressed their differences only 
in the iciest silence. Our dads wouldn't even recognize 
each other on the street. But hostilities continued. They 
still continue. Old Bartlett sends my father the " Brewer's 
Annual " and fills his mail with liquor advertisements and 
sample whiskies. While father sends Bartlett temperance 
lectures with terrifying charts showing what happens to your 
stomach if you drink. You know those things — in the 
first stage your stomach looks like a reclaimed desert, second 
stage, like a fried egg, and at last in the third stage becomes 
like a vivid autumn sunset, in proportion to your devotion 
to the Demon Rum. And so they go. 

Professor. I see. It would have been the same had 
they differed about the distance of Mars from the earth. 
Just temperaments that would conflict. 

Jack. Exactly. So here I am, but she is in town, and 
I will see her. (To 'phone.) Main 5340. Yes. Hello 

is Miss Helen Well, I apologize. I didn't 

intend to. You see, it's a very important (To Pro- 
fessor.) Professor, he hung up on me. Said it was the third 
time I'd called his house in ten minutes, and he was trying to 
take a nap. Don't see how I could have repeated that way. 
Well, Jeremiah Jones next. {To 'phone.) Main 6541. Yes. 



WHERE IS HELEN ? II 

(To Professor.) As I said, I am going to see Helen, or 
hang. 

Professor. Well, my young friend, I would advise you 
to bang — up the receiver. 

Jack. Might as well — line's busy here. (Ha?igs up.) 

Professor. Because, as I was about to continue, if — er 
— old Daniel W. Bartlett has made his — er — decision about 
this, or any other matter, he has doubtless arranged every 
detail so that — er — such decision will stand. I recall very 
clearly how we endeavored to alter his decision in regard to 
the withdrawal of his endowment to our college, when this 
town went dry, using every means in our power to dissuade 
him. I myself talked to him, but it was — er — futile. The 
endowment has been withdrawn in favor of the Negroid race 
in Darkest Africa and the Universal Peace Party. 

Jack (to 'phone). Main 7965. Yes. Well, Professor, I 
am going to see Helen if I have to canvass the town on 
foot ; and I am going to put my case up to her from the 
point of view of our rights as individuals. {To 'phone.) 
Busy? All right. {Rises.) My freedom of action shall 
not be controlled by Daniel W. Bartlett or by any other hu- 
man being. 

Professor (down l.). Ah, my boy, the man who makes 
the boast that no one can control him is either untruthful — 
or — er — un married. 

Jack (down r.). Then I make it now, w 7 hile I can, for 
I'll not be a bachelor long. 

Professor. And as to changing Daniel W. Bartlett's 
point of view — ah, I have lived in the world a long time, 
and I know that there is only one way in which it can ever 
be done. {Rises.) 

Jack. And that way is ? (Goes C.) 

Professor. When a man like Daniel changes his politics 
or his religion, or loses his appetite, it is a case of — Cher- 
chez la fern me. Come back to earth, my boy. I have two 
tickets for the game to-morrow. You are quite a fan, I 
know. Being unable to use them myself, will you not take 
them and — er — drown your sorrow, as it were, in our na- 
tional game? (Goes up r.) 

Jack. Sure I will, Professor. That is, I'll take the 
tickets and attend the game, with thanks. When shall I 
get them ? 

Professor. They are lying in the left-hand corner of the 



12 WHERE IS HELEN ? 

top drawer of my dresser. Just go over to my room in 
Wordsworth Hall, head of the stairs, third story, and help 
yourself. 

Jack {down C.). Thank you, Professor. Must you go? 
Just wait a minute — only forty-six more calls, and I'll be 
with you. Besides, I may locate her half-way down the list. 

Pkofessor (/// R.). My young friend, I have classes 
both to-day and to-morrow, also the entire coming week. I 
cannot tarry while you commune with the entire Jones 
population. 

{Exit Professor, r.) 

{Efiter Harold and Tom, r. They \ have a fine new bar- 
ber pole, several signs, which they place artistically about 
the room. They have also a cane, which Tom brings 
down l.) 

Harold {coming down r.). You see our nice little col- 
lection ? We return with a few trophies of our jaunt. 
" Have something to show for every passing hour," says 
Prexy. 1 bet he'd be pleased with these few offerings. See 
that pole ? We got that by a close shave ! 

Tom {down l.). This cane was on a park bench — there 
was a bald-headed old party near, feeding the monkeys, but 
the little cane looked so wistful and alone that we adopted 
it. Want to come to Tom, little cane ? Come on. Can 
you tell Tommy your name? {Looks at plate on ca?ie.} 
Ah ! he can. Daniel W. Bartlett ! What a nice little name. 

Jack {down r.). Great Guns ! 

Harold. What's the matter? How's the literary mas- 
terpiece getting on ? Telephoning it to the papers? {Jerks 
1 phone book from Jack's hand.) Oh, ye gods ! the poor 
Joneses ! Look, Tom ! How could he do so many so 
soon? {Goes c.) 

How doth the little busy Jack 

Improve each shining minute 
A-calling up each Joneses' home 

To see if Helen's in it ! 

(Tom and Harold roar tuith laughter. Jack throws pil- 

lozvs at them. ) 

Tom. Go to it, Jack, go to it ! We're both with you. 
I'll hold the book ! ' 



WHERE IS HELEN ? 



*3 



Jack. Laugh if you want to. I am nearly half through. 
There were only seventy-nine of them to start with. Smith 
would have been a lot worse — rthree pages of Smiths. 
Where on earth is Helen ? (Tom and Harold drop weakly 
into chairs , l.) What's the matter with you two — sun- 
stroke ? 

Harold. No, no. Go on. Telephone some more. 
We will hold your drooping head. Finish the Joneses, and 
then start over again. For we, who now confront you, 
were wrong about a name, just a common little name, but 
oh ! the difference it makes. You don't need the Joneses, 
boy. Not a singletary Jones. Be-cause Miss Helen Bart- 
lett is staying with a lovely family by the name of — Smith. 

(Jack drops into chair, down R., head in his hands.) 

Jack. Well— I'll— be 

Tom. Don't say it — don't say it ! 

Voice {outside r.). You young upstart! I saw you ! 

I followed you ! I'll— I'll {Stops for breath.) 

Harold. Great Guns, the bald-headed party ! 

(Tom drops cane down l. Harold and Tom disappear 
through window or door at back of stage.) 

{Enter Daniel W. Bartlett, quite breathless, r.) 

Daniel. You — you young upstart — I'll have the law on 
you ! I'll have the law on you ! Well, I'll be — I'll be — 
I'll be — hanged ! Jack .Jamieson ! I might have known 
that if there was any deviltry afoot you'd be at the bottom 
of it. {Comes down l.) All you young idiots raised on 
cold water are too — too — fresh ! You're always up to some- 
thing disgraceful — always raising cane ! 

{Brandishes cane, which he has picked up. ) 

Jack {calmly). Don't try to make a bad pun, Mr. Bart- 
lett. This call of yours is quite unexpected, but really a 
pleasant surprise. Sit down, Mr. Bartlett. How is Helen ? 

Daniel {going c). You insolent young pup ! I'll have 
the law on you ! I'll thrash you with my own hands ! 

Jack. Why not use the cane? It looks durable. 

Daniel. That's right — show yourself up for what you 
are ! Impudence and thievery are a fine combination. 
Cold water always did breed a race of thieves. 



14. WHERE IS HELEN ? 

Jack. I assure you, my dear sir, I have nothing to do 
with this cane, which you say is yours. It was left here a 
short time ago by a young gentleman in whom 1 have im- 
plicit confidence ; whom i consider perfectly respectable. 

Daniel. One of your associates, no doubt. He must 
be respectable. Does he drink water too ? 

Jack. Oh, yes, he can carry a lot of it without showing 
it at all. We are all so pleased, Mr. Bartlett, to learn that 
your daughter is in town. By the way, where is Helen 
staying ? 

Daniel. She won't be here long ! I'll pack her off to- 
morrow ! Little did I know, young man, when I allowed 
her to come, that this University was polluted by your pres- 
ence. Even so, I safeguarded her at every turn. I have 
her written promise not to attend a social function at which 
young men are to be present, nor to receive a masculine 
call; to restrict her social intercourse entirely to the feminine 
sex. She dare not speak to a young man ! (Goes l.) 

Jack. Good ! Now I need fear no rival. Helen is 
very attractive, and I'll admit I've been worried about her 
the last year. 

Daniel. Confound your impudence ! I'll have you ar- 
rested at once ! (Starts up l.) Nominally for the stealing 
of my valuable cane, but there are other scores to be set- 
tled at the same time. A person like you is a menace to 
society ! 

(Turns to leave room, going toward door or window up c.) 

Jack {pointing to door of den, l.). You are confused, 
my dear sir. This door out. (Goes up c. Daniel 
passes through door l. Jack turns key.) A person like 
you is a menace to society, my dear Mr. Bartlett, so you 
are now all nice and safe in the den. Daniel in the Den ! 

Daniel (heard off). What's this nonsense ? Open the 
door ! 

Jack. Mr. Bartlett, I am not the man to flinch at a 
duty, however hard. 

Daniel. You let me out ! 

Jack. It's a quality you should admire in your future 
son-in-law. 

Daniel. Let me out at once, sir ! 

Jack. And I've decided that it's time you became a 
Prohibitionist. 



WHERE IS HELEN ? 



15 



Daniel. Unlock that door ! This is a state's prison 
offence ! 

Jack. And also overcome any foolish prejudices you 
may have against me as a future member of your family. 

Daniel. You are taking a tactful way of removing what 
few prejudices I may have against you, you blithering idiot. 

Jack. What, don't you approve of me? Well, you 
will when you become a member of the Water Wagon 
Brotherhood. 

Daniel. Yes, I will, — then. 

Jack. Thanks, Mr. Bartlett, I'll remember those words. 
And until that time, you will be kept in here on a diet of 
bread, sir, — bread and — water. {Silence.) Water, I said. 
{Comes down l. Silence.} Guess that last word was too 
much for him. (Softly.) Poor old Daniel. (Enter Kath- 
leen, r., with duster. She is weeping bitterly.) Well, 
well, Kathleen Mavourneen, why the tears? 

Kathleen (up a). Oh, Mr. Jack, not that Oi shud in- 
thrude me throubles on you, sor, but it's my young man, 
sor, my gintleman frind. He's — he's gettin' the habit of 
takin' a dhrop too much ! 

Jack (going up a). You don't say! Hand in hand 
with the demon rum ! That's an awful thing ! 

Kathleen. Don't Oi know ut? And he thinks to de- 
save me wid wan night cloves and wan night peppermint, but I 
know what he's doin'. And oh, Mr. Jack ! Cud ye be tellin' 
me what to be sayin' to him to turn him shtraight loike ? 

Jack. It will give me great pleasure, Kathleen. How 
great, you do not know. Stand over here, close to this 
door. (Leads her l.) You can hear better. Also, I get 
more inspiration in this spot. Now, you tell your bibulous 
friend that the first drink may not hurt him very much ; but 
as the habit continues, his stomach will begin to resemble a 
map of a desert reclaimed by irrigation, the system of ditches 
being done in bright red ink. Shortly, this pernicious habit 
taking a stronger hold, said organ becomes inflamed to the 
degree that it closely resembles a fried egg, done in four 
colors. Now what sane man wishes his interior to resemble 
such a thing as that? But the third stage of this awful in- 
dulgence is horrible ! Oh, horrible indeed ! The poor 
tortured tummy takes on the hues of an autumn sunset, and 
then — come nearer, Kathleen — (stage whisper') Delirium 
Tremens ! Purple cats ! Green Gorillas ! 



l6 WHERE IS HELEN ? 

Daniel {from behind door). Bah-h-h-h-h ! 

Kathleen (screaming). Murder! What's that? 

Jack (sadly). A victim of alcohol. Not only an iri- 
descent stomach, but — (tapping forehead) head, you know. 

Kathleen. Hivens above ! What are you doin' wid 
him here? 

Jack (reverently). Rescue work, Kathleen. 

Kathleen. Oh, the koind heart av ye ! 

Jack. Ah, yes, Kathleen, my heart is very, very kind. 
But 'twas ever my fate to be sadly misunderstood. 

Daniel (heard off ). Gr-r-r-r-r-r-r 

Jack. I think he just saw a green gorilla. 

Kathleen. Ah, Oi know ye for the good soul ye are ! 
And thot in there will be thankin' ye some day whin he's 
himsilf. But it's no clanin' Oi'll be doin' here this day. 
Oi'll be goin'. Good luck to ye, sor, and Oi'll be tellin' 
Michael what ye tould me. 

(Exit Kathleen, r.) 

Jack. Well, I've certainly put my foot in it now. Let 
me see (looking at watch), it's getting pretty late, but he's 
sure to get out before the day's over, and then — poor Jackie. 
(Comes down R.) I guess I'll get all that's coming to me, 
from every side. Expelled, too, maybe. But there is one 
bright spot. I don't believe that father will be very hard 
on me for what I've done. Anyway, it's worth it ! 
(Laughs.) Oh, Daniel in the Den ! By the way, where is 
Helen staying ? 

Daniel (in a wild roar from the den). Where you can't 
find her, you 

Jack. Oh, very well, if you feel that way about it. 
(Settles in chair, down R., close to 'phone.) Now those 
Smiths, — gee, three pages of them. Oh, well, faint heart 
never won fair lady ! (7# 'phone.) Fairmount 5614, 
please. Yes. Oh, hello. Is Miss Helen Bartlett a guest 
in your home? No? Thank you. Greenwood 6879. 
Yes. Is Miss Helen Bartlett 

Daniel (off). Bah-h-h-h-h-h ! 

Jack. 1 shall not be able to telephone, Mr. Bartlett, un- 
less you are more quiet. {To 7 pho?ie.) Main 6798. Yes, 
please. 

CURTAIN 



ACT II 

SCENE. — Dorothy's room in Wordsworth Hall. En- 
trances R. ana 7 L. French window or door up c. Dresser 
or bureau with mirror up r. Table up l. Large chair 
down r. Sofa down l. Chair by window or door 
up C. An opera cloak or bright-colored wrap hangs on 
wall or is throwti over a chair, l. Other furnishings to 
make a college girl's room — pictures ', pennants , books, pro- 
grams, etc. 

(At rise of curtain, Helen Bartlett and Dorothy down 
L. o?i sofa, eating from a box of candy.} 

Dorothy. Oh, my dear, I was so happy when I heard 
you were visiting Eleanor Smith, I just couldn't wait to see 
you. It hardly seems real that you are here. 

Helen. You don't know what it means to me, Dorothy, 
to see one of the old crowd. M-m-m-m — take one of these, 
my dear, they are simply heavenly. {Hands Dorothy 
candy.) And I am so overjoyed to find so many of our old 
Ammerton class here — I never dreamed I'd be so lucky. 
Five of you ! 

Dorothy. Isn't it lovely ? We all wanted special work 
we couldn't get at Ammerton, so we came here. My father 
thinks this is a splendid college. I do too. So many of the 
boys have cars. 

Helen. I suppose things have changed frightfully in the 
long time since I saw you last. 

Dorothy. Oh, yes. Try one of these — nuts in them. 
{Hands Helen candy.) Yes, important changes are always 
taking place in a big college like this. Everybody is going 
with somebody else, and some of them are even engaged. 

Helen. But Harold is still faithful to you. 

Dorothy. Oh, yes, but I intend never to marry. When 
I leave school I intend to devote my life to some great 
cause; either politics or slum work. {Screams.) 

Helen. Oh, what's the matter? 

Dorothy {brushing sleeve). I thought I saw a bug of 
some kind. I never can see a bug without screaming. 

J 7 



l8 WHERE IS HELEN ? 

Yes, as I said, I think I shall take up slum work. It is so 
satisfactory to uplift a lot of people and feel that one's life 
has been nobly spent. {Screams.} There's that same bug ! 
I shall go crazy if I see it again ! I simply can't even see 
a bug without actually losing my mind. There ! he's gone. 
Yes, I've decided on slum work, Helen. I believe I've 
been called. 

Helen. How noble you are, Dorothy ! Oh-h, by the 
way, who is the happy recipient of Jack's attentions now ? 

Dorothy. Jack ? Jack who ? Oh, yes, that one you 
used to like. You know we were abroad the year he 
entered Ammerton, and I really don't believe I ever saw 
him, but I hear of him from Harold. Harold tried to get 
him to call, but he wouldn't come. They say he has just 
moped around like a lost soul ever since he has been here. 
Why do you look so happy about it? 

Helen. The idea ! I'm not. I'm awfully sorry. Some 
girl would doubtless rejoice at his attentions. The poor fellow 
oughtn't to hide his light. But oh, Dorothy ! {Squeezes 
her.) I do think this is the most delicious box of candy I 
ever tasted ! 

Dorothy. Harold always did have good judgment in 
that direction. Do you remember that freshman who used 
to send us candy in a paper bag? (Giggles.) 

Helen. Oh, yes, the one with the baggy trousers ! 
(Rises.) Well, dear, I must run down the hall and speak 
to Alice a minute. We'll be back, in just a jiffy, for your 
little spread. 

(Knock at door. Enter Miss Hortense Allen, r.) 

Dorothy (rising'). Oh, come in, Miss Allen. This is 
my old, old friend, Helen Bartlett. We were roommates 
ages ago at Ammerton College. 

Miss A. (r.). I am glad to know you, my dear. 

Helen {up a). Thank you, Miss Allen. 

Miss A. Dorothy, I came up to speak to you about your 
little spread, as you call it, this afternoon. I am willing 
that you girls should celebrate in honor of your old friend, 
but you have been eating too many indigestible things of 
late. (Dorothy quickly ?noves to hide box of candy zvhich 
is on sofa.) I wish you to serve only what I have provided 
for the occasion. There are wafers and tea in the kitchen, 
and I will send them to you by Etta, the new servant. 



WHERE IS HELEN? 1 9 

Dorothy. Oh, Miss Allen ! It's kind of you to give us 
things, but please let us buy our own ! And oh ! what are 
wafers and tea when a man is starving ? 

Miss A. I'm not worried about starvation, my dear. 
Anyway, you'll forget it when you see Etta. Of all strange 
names for such a person, and of all persons for such a place 
— well, the servant proposition presents a new problem at 
every turn. Etta, indeed ! Sometimes I'm not sure that 
Etta is in just the right position. However, time will tell. 
Now don't forget, my dear. Only wafers and tea. And 
look well at Etta ! 

(Exit, r.) 

Dorothy. Wafers and tea ! 

Helen. Never mind, dear. We will have a good time, 
anyway. Now I must run to Alice a minute. We'll all be 
back soon. 

(Exit, r.) 

Dorothy. I'll just step out and dust the cups for the 
tea ! We can be clean, if we are starving. Wafers and 
tea! 

(Exit, l. ) 

(Enter Jack, r.) 

Jack (looking around admiringly). Well, well ! Some 
room this ! Pretty fancy place for a professor ! Let me 
see, he said the tickets were in the left hand corner of the 
top drawer. (Looks at large photograph of pretty girl on 
dresser up r.) Professor, I never would have thought it of 
you. (Rummages among feminine finery, some of which 
falls to floor.) Left hand corner, top drawer. This must 
be it. (Molds up square envelope and carefully extracts 
— dainty lace-trimmed chamois skin.) Well, Je-rusalem ! 
(Notices pale blue silk kimono on chair up c. ; picks it up.) 
I guess I must be in the wrong pew. I'd better get out right 
now, while the getting is good! {Enter Dorothy, l. ; 
screams^) Ex — excuse me. Ex — excuse me. 

Dorothy. What are you doing here? You thief ! 

Jack. No, no, I'm not a thief ! I — that is — you see 

Dorothy. Then stop stammering and tell me what you 
are doing here. 

Jack. Why — why — I was sent here, — by one of the 
faculty. Yes, that's it. I was sent here to get something. 



20 WHERE IS HELEN f 

Dorothy. Sent here ! Why, are you one of the serv- 
ants? You don't look like Oh, I have it ! You are 

Etta, the peculiar one ! 

Jack. Etta who ? 

Dorothy. Oh, what a funny name — Etta Hoo ! And 
for a man, too ! But I'm glad to see you, Etta. We girls 
will want you to do a lot of things for us. You'll probably 
have to wait on us a large part of the time. 

Jack. I'm Etta, all right. What shall I do first, miss? 
1 came up to dust. 

(Comes down r. atid wipes chair with blue kimono.} 

Dorothy. Oh, not with that ! You careless creature ! 

{Takes kimono from him.) 

Jack. Excuse me, miss. I'm rather new. I'm only 
here on trial. 

Dorothy (a). I never knew Miss Allen to employ a 
man inside the house before. 

Jack {down r.). 1 needed the work so bad, miss. 

Dorothy. Poor fellow ! Does your father drink ? 

Jack. Heavens, no ! Never let the old gentleman hear 
you say that ! 

Dorothy. I'm so glad. I hope you don't mind my 
asking. 1 want to study your type all I can, because I'm 
going to be a slum worker. But I'm sure 1 never knew that 
kind of people looked so — so — well, like you. I am sure 
that I am called to be a slum worker. 

Jack (/// r.). A noble calling, miss. I hope you will 
take up my family first. 

Dorothy. Oh, I will. I must start a list very soon. 
Now you must try very hard to do everything just right. 
( Goes to him, r.) Here is a quarter for you. If you wait 
on us nicely to-night, I will give you another. 

Jack (biting quarter and slipping it in pocket}. Thank 
you kindly, miss. This will buy father a bottle of (Dorothy 
looks up sharply) Lithia water, miss. 

Dorothy (up a). Now you can go. Oh, Etta ! You 
know you are to bring our things up at just five o'clock ! 

Jack (r.). Things? 

Dorothy. Yes, the things Miss Allen left out for us, the 
things to eat for our spread. You won't have much to 



WHERE IS HELEN ? 21 

carry. The girls will all be here any minute. We don't 
care how soon you have the things here. You know where 
they are. 

Jack. Oh, ye — yes. I'll have them here, miss. Things 
for your spread. Yes, miss. (Aside.) Me for the deli- 
catessen shop, and it will be a spread. 

(Exit, k.) 

Dorothy. Well, that's the oddest thing yet — a male 
maid. Who ever heard of such a thing? One of us will 
very likely fall in love with him. (Enter Helen, r.) 
Come in, my dear. Oh, you should have seen Etta ! You 
just wait! And oh, Helen, I just thought of something. 
(Helen comes dowti r.) I'm going to make a throne of 
this big chair with my opera cloak. (Goes L., gets cloak, 
and comes down r.) There ! Now you sit down upon it, 
and let me fix you all up pretty and queenified with this 
white chiffon and this Christmas tinsel. Now you look just 
like an angel. 

Helen. I wonder what angels wear? 

Dorothy. Well, I'm not sure; but I know one thing. 
If I ever become an angel, I shall wear a surprised look. 

Helen. You silly. 

Dorothy. Now when the girls come in, you can re- 
ceive them from your lofty throne. Isn't that original? 

Helen. Dear me, I'm afraid I'll look too important. 

Dorothy. No, only sweet and lovely, like your own dear 
self. There they come now. (Any desired number of girls 
may now enter, r., greeting Helen, laughing and talking. 
All except Helen sit on floor down r. and q. Several col- 
lege songs may be sung, and tableau continued until Jack 
enters R. He is very warm, wears a kitchen apron ivith 
ivhich he wipes face. One arm is loaded with bundles. He 
steps inside door and beckons to Dorothy, who is down l. 
on sofa. Helen is chatting with girls, her face turned in 
opposite direction.) Oh, Etta ! dear me, what have you 
brought? 

Jack (handing her various tempting looking articles). 
The refreshments you desired, miss. 

Dorothy. Refreshments ! Miss Allen must have had a 
change of heart ! 

Jack. Yes, miss. I think — I think she's got religion, 
miss. 



22 WHERE IS HELEN ? 

Dorothy {placing things on table). Oh, Helen ! Just 
look here ! 

(Helen turns.) 

Jack. Helen ! {Holds out ha?ids, dropping remaining 
bundles.) So this is where you are ? 

(He comes down c. Girls rise.) 

Helen. Oh, Jack ! * 

{Steps from throne, goes c, places her hands in his.) 

Dorothy. Etta ! What do you mean ? 

Helen. Oh, Jack ! What are you doing? 

Jack. Helen, I'm looking at last into the sweetest, 
bluest eyes in the world. 

Helen. Oh, Jack ! You're just as fine and handsome 
as ever, but do take off that apron ! What does it mean ? 

Jack {untying apron, holding it up). That, Helen, and 
beautiful ladies, is my passport into your honored presences. 
1 swiped it from the kitchen. 

Dorothy {coming down l.). Well! Will somebody 
unravel this riddle for me ? 

Helen. Yes, Jack, please explain it. 

Sentimental Girl. Oh, I know it's something dread- 
fully romantic. Mayn't we all have a share in it? 

Ditto. Oh, let's all go out on the balcony in the moon- 
light, and hear all about it. You'll tell us, won't you? 
You'll unravel it? 

Jack. Well, I'll pull out a few threads at least. 

Girl. Oh, we're all dying to know about it ! 

( Exeunt all, through long window or door up c. ) 

{Enter Miss A., r.) 

Miss A. This is strange — there is no one here. Ah, 
well, they are perhaps looking at the moonlight. Yes, I 
hear them laugh. It seems but yesterday that 1 was one of 
them, and yet it is so many years ago. {Seats herself on 
Helen's throne dozen r.) I wonder if people ever forget; 
if any number of years can cure the heartaches — some of the 
heartaches — that came to us when we were young. They 
say that time heals everything ; they are mistaken. Time 



Where is helen ? 



23 



only buries pain a little deeper j if we have really cared, there 
is no forgetting, and remembrance too often brings us only 
sorrow. Ah, well ! I must bury the sad things deeper, and 
pile pleasant thoughts on top. The world is full of pleasant 
things, after all. 

{Pounding on door r., then door is flung open and Daniel 
enters i?i exceedingly disheveled condition.) 

Daniel {shouting). Where's my daughter ? I want my 
daughter ! Where is Helen ? I want her immediately ! 

{Goes L., opens door there a?id looks in, slams it, comes 

down l.) 

Miss A. Calm yourself, my good man. I very much 
fear that you do not know where you are. 

Daniel. I know where I am only too well, and I had 
the Dickens of a time getting here, too. This institution — — 
Hortense ! is this you ? Is it you, Hortense ? 

( Goes toward her.) 

Miss A. {rising). Daniel Bartlett ! Why have you 
come back into my life ? 

{Their ha fids slowly clasp, then fall apart.) 

Daniel. I've tried to find you, Hortense, for seven 
years, ever since — well, you know. I have made every ef- 
fort to discover you. 

Miss A. It is exceedingly odd, Daniel, that your efforts 
in that line should have been so fruitless. 

Daniel. I am telling you the truth, Hortense. In spite 
of our misunderstanding of long ago, and the — er — develop- 
ments following later, your image has been enshrined in my 
heart for twenty years. Life has played us some queer 
tricks, Hortense. 

Miss A. {down r.). Life! Say rather your own ob- 
stinacy ; your absolute inability to see any side of any ques- 
tion except the one that you, in your omnipotent wisdom, 
had decided was right ! 

Daniel {downu. a). Oh, Hortense! Do not judge me 
so harshly ! The years may have made me a better man. 
Perhaps I am more yielding. Perhaps — perhaps I am very 
gentle, Hortense. 



24 WHERE IS HELEN ? 

Miss A. Gentle ! Then will you tell me why you have 
just tried to break down this door, and shouted for your 
daughter as though you lived in the dark ages ? Look at 
your clothes ! Doubtless you have been proving to some 
one that you are the gentlest man on earth ! 

Daniel. Oh, Hortense ! Don't doubt me so ! (Dor- 
othy appears at window up a, looks i?i and beckons off.) 
If I could only prove to you that I am a changed man ! As 
I see before me the one woman in the world, as the old 
memories come back to me, I know that I must never, 
never lose you again. {Interested group quietly gathers at 
window or door up c.) Give me a chance to prove that I 
can yet be molded to the character you would wish me to 
have. I can offer no greater test than this, Hortense. 

Miss A. Daniel, I will not deny that it has been impos- 
sible for me to forget you. I have fought against that mem- 
ory for years, but it has ever been with me, too real, often- 
times, for my happiness. I have always missed you, Daniel. 
But life with a man of your temperament would be unen- 
durable. However, you say that you are changed ; that 
you are ready for any test, however severe, to prove that 
change. 

Daniel. I am, Hortense ; believe me, I am. 

Miss A. Then, Daniel — {drawing a long breath) Daniel 
{placing hand on heart), Daniel — {looking into his eyes) 
Daniel, do you believe in Prohibition? {Business. Daniel 
walks to L., shakes head, ponders deeply, turns and regards 
Miss A. fixedly.) Daniel, this is perhaps the last time you. 
will ever see me. It remains for you to decide. 

Daniel. Ask — ask me again, Hortense. 

Miss A. Daniel {very slowly), do — you — believe — in 
Prohibition — in Total Abstinence, Daniel? 

Daniel {almost gasping). Hortense, I do. 

{Rushes r. to Miss A. and embraces her. Loud cheers 
from young people. Daniel and Miss A. turn in con- 
fusion.) 

Helen {coming down l.). Dad, what are you doing ? 

(Dorothy, Jack and girls come down l.) 

Daniel {shouting). Doing? Minding my business! 
What are you doing with that young — that young — 
that — {points to Jack. Miss A. touches his arm ; gives 



WHERE IS HELEN ? 25 

meaning look. Daniel, mildly) with that young — er — 
friend of yours, Helen, my dear ? 

Helen. Oh, daddy, dear, he and I, and all the rest, are 
just rejoicing because we are all Prohibitionists ! 

Daniel (sadly, shaking his head). Yes, we are all Pro- 
hibitionists. {Sorrowfully.) Yes, this is indeed a joyous 
time, my dear. 

Jack. Mr. Bartlett, I owe you as sincere an apology as 
it is possible for a man to give. May I hope that it will be 
accepted ? 

Daniel. You young upstart — (glancing at Miss A.) that 
is, yes, my boy. I am a man of very gentle nature. 

Jack. What? Then, Mr. Bartlett, then — may I have 
Helen ? 

(Miss A. places hand on Daniel's arm, whispers, " Yes, 

Daniel") 

Daniel {softly). Yes, Daniel. I mean — Jack. 

( Cheers from girls . ) 

(Enter Harold and Tom, r. They come dow7i c.) 

Tom. You girls have got your nerve, leaving us out of 
your party. We saw you through the window. 

Harold. And we just thought we'd try our luck with- 
out any invitation. Jiminy, there's the owner of the cane ! 

Dorothy. Good for you ! Sit down, boys. We have 
the greatest news for you ! 

(She goes to table l. c. and begins to prepare food.) 

(Enter Professor and Kathleen, r.) 

Professor. Pardon me — perhaps we intrude ; but I 
found this poor girl crying on the stairs as I was passing to 
my room. No words of mine could stay her tears, and I 
thought that some of you young ladies might know what to 
do for her. I did not know that you were giving a social 
function. 

Dorothy. Come in, come in, Professor, and Kathleen 
too. 

(Kathleen and Professor come down c.) 
Helen (to Kathleen). What is it, you poor dear ? 



26 WHERE IS HELEN ? 

Kathleen (sobbing). It's my gintleman frind, mum, 
under the influence agin. Mr. Jack understands. He 
thinks to desave me wid wan night cloves and wan night 
peppermint, and to-day he had garlic, but I know what's 
goin' on, and wreckin' the future foundations of a happy 
home. Oi thried him wid what you tould me, Mr. Jack, 
about how it would look ; but he says, let it look like 
Niagry Falls at sunset, he'll be havin' his dhrop wid the 
boys. 

Daniel. Let me speak to her. My girl, there is only 
one way to approach your young friend. Do not torture 
his imagination with lurid tales of his interior, but appeal 
to his better nature through his — er— devotion to yourself. 
If that devotion is — er — sincere, he will see and uphold 
your point of view, even at the expense of his — er — his 
saner judgment. 

Miss A. Daniel ! 

(Jack goes r.) 

Daniel. I speak, my dear, as one having experience. 

Kathleen. Oi thank ye koindly, sor. This very night 
will Oi threaten him wid transferrin' my affections to the 
iceman, who has a good route and stiddy habits. (Reflect- 
ively.') Oi loike the iceman first rate, annyway. 

Jack. Cherchez la femme, Professor. Who's the lady? 

Professor. It's the oldest story in the world. 

Dorothy. Professor Edgerton, and boys, we can't keep 
still any longer. We have been seeing things you'd never 
guess. Please forgive us, Miss Allen, if we are a little sud- 
den, but you know, we saw. I have the honor, ladies and 
gentlemen, to announce two engagements : First, that of Miss 
Allen and Mr. Bartlett. 

Miss A. Dorothy! I'm surprised at you! Why do 
you say such a thing? 

Dorothy. Well, Miss Allen, if you're not engaged, you 
ought to be ! We all saw what you did, and it was setting 
an awful example for us girls at the best ! And, ladies and 
gentlemen, salute Helen and Jack, loved and known by 
everybody ! At least, if they aren't, they ought to be ! 

(Cheers and cries of " Speech ! Speech / ") 

Jack (pushing Daniel forward). After you, father. 



WHERE IS HELEN ? 27 

Daniel. No, no, I — I'm not ready. {To Miss A.) 
Tell me what to say. 

(Miss A. whispers to him.) 
{Cries of "Jack / Jack / ") 

Jack {mounting chair down r.). I can assure you that 
it gives me great pleasure to be with you on this happy 
occasion. I am proud to admit that I am soon to be — er — 
married. Marriage is a great institution. It is an old insti- 
tution. Epictetus was married. Socrates was married. 
Xantippe was married. And as we come down through the 
ages of the dim and dusty past, let us pause for a moment 
on our way, noting here and there a familiar face peering 

from the dim — peering from the dim — from the dim 

Hang it all — that's where I always forget it ! 

Tom. Cut it out, Jack. That's no speech for this occa- 
sion ! 

Jack. It's the only one I know. 

Helen. Oh, Jack, I think it is just beautiful ! Say the 
rest of it ! 

Chorus. Don't do it ! Don't do it ! 

(Jack steps down from chair and goes up c.) 

Helen {joining Jack up a). They don't appreciate 
you, Jack. Come over here and say it to me. 

{They step outside French window.) 

Chorus. Speech, Mr. Bartlett ! 

Daniel. Why, yes, my friends. Hortense — er — Miss 
Allen has just been helping me a little — er — suggesting a 
subject. It is a subject that I probably would not have 
chosen for myself, but — er — doubtless a very worthy one from 
certain points of view. I am about to propose some toasts. 
Are we all here? {Sternly.) Where's my daughter? 
Where is Helen ? 

Harold. Outside, Mr. Bartlett. I believe Jack's say- 
ing good- night. 

Daniel. He's taking long enough ! Helen ! 

Helen {appearing at window). Yes, father I 

Daniel. Doesn't that young man know how to say 
good-night ? 



28 WHERE IS HELEN? 

Helen. Why, yes, father; he does it beautifully, and 
he's teaching me ! 
Daniel. Come in ! 
Jack. Certainly, father. 

{Enter Helen and Jack.) 

Daniel. I have the honor, my friends, to propose a 
toast; in fact, a series of toasts. First, to the college! 
{Cheers.) Second, to the ladies! {Cheers.) Third, to 
the charming brides to be! {Cheers.) And fourth and 

lastly, to — to {Turns to Miss A.) You say it, my 

dear. 

Miss A. {firmly). No, Daniel, you must do it yourself. 

Daniel. Fourth and lastly, my friends, I am sure that 
we will all be glad to give a hearty cheer for — er — H 2 ! 
Water forever ! 

{Cheers.) 

Professor. My young friends, we have often discussed 
the problem of what would happen should an immovable 
object meet an irresistible force. {Points to Miss A. and 
Daniel.) You see before you the result of such an en- 
counter. The question is for all time settled. 

Daniel. She is irresistible, all right. Hortense, will I 
do now ? Are you satisfied ? 

Miss A. Oh, Daniel ! Daniel, you will. Daniel, I am ! 

Jack. Hurrah! What's the matter with father? 

Chorus. He's all right ! 

Jack. Who's all right? 

Chorus. Father ! 

Jack. Whose father? 

Chorus. Helen's ! 



curtain 



Unusually Good Entertainments 

Read One or More of These Before Deciding on 
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GRADUATION DAY AT WOOD HILL SCHOOL. 

An Entertainment in Two Acts, by Ward Macauley. For six 
males and four females, with several minor parts. Time of 
playing, two hours. Modern costumes. Simple interior scenes; 
may be presented in a hall without scenery. The unusual com- 
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cents. 

EXAMINATION DAY AT WOOD HILL SCHOOL. 

An Entertainment in One Act, by Ward Macauley. Eight male 
and six female characters, with minor parts. Plays one hour. 
Scene, an easy interior, or may be given without scenery. Cos- 
tumes, modern. Miss Marks, the teacher, refuses to marry a 
trustee, who threatens to discharge her. The examination in- 
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to questions. At the close Robert Coleman, an old lover, claims 
the teacher. Very easy and very effective. Price, 15 cents. 

BACK TO THE COUNTRY STORE. A Rural Enter- 
tainment in Three Acts, by Ward Macauley. For four male 
and five female characters, with some supers. Time, two hours. 
Two scenes, both easy interiors. Can be played effectively with- 
out scenery. Costumes, modern. All the principal parts are 
sure hits. Quigley Higginbotham, known as "Quig," a clerk in 
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in the country store. He pops the question in the midst of a 
surprise party given in his honor. Easy to do and very funny. 
Price, 15 cents. 

THE DISTRICT CONVENTION. A Farcical Sketch 
in One Act, by Frank Dumont. For eleven males and one 
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SI SLOCUM'S COUNTRY STORE. An Entertainment 
in One Act, by Frank Dumont. Eleven male and five female 
characters with supernumeraries. Several parts may be doubled. 
Plays one hour. Interior scene, or may be played without set 
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specialty work. A very jolly entertainment of the sort adapted 
to almost any place or occasion. Price, 15 cents. 

THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

PHILADELPHIA 



Unusually Good Entertainments 

Read One or More of These Before Deciding on 
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A SURPRISE PARTY AT BRINKLEY'S. An En- 
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JONES VS. JINKS. A Mock Trial in One Act, by 
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more. Time, forty minutes. The play requires neither scenery 
nor properties, and very little in the way of costumes. Can 
easily be prepared in one or two rehearsals. Price, 25 cents. 

* BARGAIN DAY AT BLOOMSTEIN'S. A Farcical 
Entertainment in One Act, by Edward Mumford. For five males 
and ten females, with supers. Interior scene. Costumes, mod- 
ern. Time, thirty minutes. The characters and the situations 
which arise from their endeavors to buy and sell make rapid-fire 
fun from start to finish. Price, 15 cents. 

THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

PHILADELPHIA 



Successful Plays for All Girls 

In Selecting Your Next Play Do Not Overlook This List 

YOUNG DOCTOR DEVINE. A Farce in Two Acts, 
by Mrs. E. J. H. Goodfellow. One of the most popular 
plays for girls. For nine female characters. Time in 
playing, thirty minutes. Scenery, ordinary interior. Mod- 
ern costumes. Girls in a boarding-school, learning that a 
young doctor is coming to vaccinate all the pupils, eagerly con- 
sult each other as to the manner of fascinating the physician. 
When the doctor appears tipon the scene the pupils discover that 
the physician is a female practitioner. Price, IS cents. 

SISTER MASONS. A Burlesque in One Act, by Frank 
Dumont. For eleven females. Time, thirty minutes. Costumes, 
fantastic gowns, or dominoes. Scene, interior. A grand expose 
of Masonry. Some women profess to learn the secrets of a 
Masonic lodge by hearing their husbands talk in their sleep, 
and they institute a similar organization. Price, 15 cents. 

A COMMANDING POSITION. A Farcical Enter- 
tainment, by Amelia Sanford. For seven female char- 
acters and ten or more other ladies and children. Time, one 
hour. Costumes, modern. Scenes, easy interiors and one street 
scene. Marian Young gets tired living with her aunt, Miss 
Skinflint. She decides to "attain a commanding position." 
Marian tries hospital nursing, college settlement work and 
school teaching, but decides to go back to housework. Price, 15 
cents. 

HOW A WOMAN KEEPS A SECRET. A Comedy 
in One Act, by Frank Dumont. For ten female characters. 
Time, half an hour. Scene, an easy interior. Costumes, modern. 
Mabel Sweetly has just become engaged to Harold, but it's "the 
deepest kind of a secret." Before announcing it they must win 
the approval of Harold's uncle, now in Europe, or lose a possible 
ten thousand a year. At a tea Mabel meets her dearest friend. 
Maude sees Mabel has a secret, she coaxes and Mabel tells her. 
But Maude lets out the secret in a few minutes to another 
friend and so the secret travels. Price, 15 cents. 

THE OXFORD AFFAIR. A Comedy in Three Acts, 
by Josephine H. Cobb and Jennie E. Paine. For eight female 
characters. Plays one hour and three-quarters. Scenes, inter- 
iors at a seaside hotel. Costumes, modern. The action of the 
play is located at a summer resort. Alice Graham, in order to 
chaperon herself, poses as a widow, and Miss Oxford first claims 
her as a sister-in-law, then denounces her. The onerous duties 
of Miss Oxford, who attempts to serve as chaperon to Miss 
Howe and Miss Ashton in the face of many obstacles, furnish 
an evening of rare enjoyment. Price 15 cents. 

THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

PHILADELPHIA 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



The Power of E 




017 401 653 7 



Expression and efficiency go hand in hana. 

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dence and poise at all times — in private gatherings, in public 
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Successful public speaking 
Effective recitals 
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Social prominence 
Business success 
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Are these things worth while? 

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A catalogue giving full information as to how any of these 
accomplishments may be attained will be sent free on request 

THE NATIONAL SCHOOL OF 
ELOCUTION AND ORATORY 

Parkway Building Philadelphia 



